How do you become brave enough to give love to others, unashamed of the aftermath, without a second thought of whether they deserve it or not?
I’m going to tell you this right now-
go ask someone else.
When it comes to loving others around me I can say what I want and pretend as much as I please but inside I’m HORRIBLY afraid of human connection (funny considering that’s the thing I most crave-more on that later.)
The very thought, as a raging introvert, of a group of people I don’t know makes me want to retreat into a blanket-burrito in the safest corner of my room. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t ask for this…I would love to be as exuberant as my alter-ego (say hi, Callisto) in any scenario involving new people. It’s not that I have difficulty loving people, it’s that I don’t know how to show it.
The more I think about this aspect of myself, the more I start to realize where my fear of human interaction comes from. I crave human connection more than I crave the very element on this earth that keeps me alive. Unfortunately, that’s in competition with my craving for love, and fear of not receiving it in return.
The thought that my attempts to spread the part of me that wants to love relentlessly, will possibly be misinterpreted and rejected, haunts me until I recline back to hide alone instead, then excusing it as “self-love.” Time and time again I get involved with my own mind and its tug of opposites that I fail to remember the most vital fact on this earth when it comes to coinciding with each other.
Love is who we ARE. We breathe it, we see it everywhere, we long for it, we dream about it, and hell, we sometimes are even willing to put ourselves into every kind of pain to get it. But most importantly, we have the power to BECOME vessels of love. Each and every person is thirsty to be loved, but each of us restrains from giving it.
If we’re all made of love, we need love. If we need love, we all have love to give. We’re so afraid of giving love because of the fear of not receiving it. We’re afraid of not receiving it because of the pain of not feeling loved. If we don’t feel loved, we don’t feel significant. If we don’t feel significant, we don’t have purpose. In order to survive this life, we need to feel as though we have purpose.
When you give love, you are a part in saving someones life.
It seems pretty obvious that we should share what we’ve been given, especially knowing the pain of love not being given to ourselves. Giving love is never as hard as we expect it to be either (I know some of you might disagree with me, but even your rotten aunt Janet who stole your pie on thanksgiving needs love too.) Love can exist in the simplest moments of kindness, such as a smile, eye-contact, or even being brave enough to start a conversation with someone.
So what’s the secret to love?
The realization that we are reflections of each other, and we’re so much more similar than we think (yes that boy picking his nose over there who’s 10+ years younger than you is just.like.you.)
We’re gross and awkward and insecure and broken and SO desperate to be loved.
Basically what I’m saying is-don’t let your fear control what you can give to others. If you have the power to give to someone-DO IT. It’s vital to our existence. Love binds us together more than we realize.
Yes yes, even you introverts out there who are in the same situation as I am-we can’t be burritos forever.
Over and out my lovers.
P.S: Shout-out to my lovely new friend, Tirzah, pictured above (left) who I just got to know over a spontaneous decision of hers to join me on my adventure to Italy recently. Tune in for more news on that my friends, try to contain your excitement as much as I’m attempting too.