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recently, i had the opportunity to join some friends in a yoga class at hours before the sun rose, and one thing the instructor said stood out to me. “nothing left to do, nothing more to be.” it got me wondering how easily it is to get caught up in our tasks, our lives, even our own goals. always onto the next thing we have to get done, or in my case the next thing i want to become and fix. even in that place where i have time, the right atmosphere, and someone outside of myself telling me where to focus my attention i seem to draw back into my railroad mind. for a moment i was following her directions on where to move my body as merely a list of instructions, that i began to tune out the sound of her voice and instead indulge in my own thoughts and tasks once again. i established a cloud of judgment upon myself so large i was missing the point. she said that line and i clutched the present again. each inhale and exhale were just that. each exuberant movement i made after those words were intentional and there was truly nothing left to do. there was nothing left to be. my mind was cleansed from fixes and fulfillment. in moments when i find rest between the constant search for becoming something else, i am the most whole. i stand high and tall even when i appear to be walking alone into nothing, but i am not. nothing is good sometimes. nothing has the proficiency to become purification.


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it walks on every street

and seems to weave

into the lips of everything

speaking in tongues of “do they like me”

finding purpose in the purpose of others

when others are doing the exact same commodity

we are together in the loneliness of the interstice we feel

we try to resolve it by becoming caustic

telling ourselves to be ourselves but forging for anyone’s customization

enticed by the facade and swaddled with judgment

we vaporize our very own fortification


how do we fight a society that tells us to embrace the core of who you are but then demolishes the very part of us that allows us to do so? how do we love without judgment and with justice instead? how do we give up the empty search for ourselves in others and just be OURSELVES? we all seem to want that. we don’t want acceptance for someone we are pretending to be, we want acceptance for who we ARE, we just don’t think others will accept the differences. put a limit to this affirmation, not to go against society but to be free of that casket we put ourselves in doing this. imagine all the wonderful things people have to share, the minds that could invent things, the ideas that are silenced. dance on that washing machine, tell that stranger they have a dandy smile, embarrass yourself! there shouldn’t be anything to be embarrassed about.

coffee and conversation

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sometimes i sit in coffee shops and listen to those around me. couples, friends and family gather together to chat, while sipping slowly on their warm cups filled with refreshments. there’s a mix of conversation here, some which beam laughter and joy with their encouraging words and uplifting subjects. they light up the corner that those people nestle in, radiating positivity and sincerity to any who catch a word. they stay for hours, seeming to get lost in time in their conversation of utmost depth, the things that mean something to them. when they do, however, suddenly remember that hours have passed, they walk away feeling like it was worth something. there are others that remain here, too. the many others who come and go while the rest have sat and forgotten they are in a coffee shop at all. these others are those who have conversations consisting of just the opposite. these are the individuals who come and carry words of negative expressions and stories of other people as they go. the latest “news” from this or that person they encountered the other day. the faults of other people and the words that tear down instead of lift up. you can almost see the weariness of holding all that weight of the validation from others drain each person carrying that luggage. those people seem to crave something more. maybe i have noticed this precisely because i used to be one of those people.
i think we all want to change the world in some way. if not the world, at least the little corner of it that we exist in individually. we all crave meaning out of our lives. i think we all crave those conversations that last hours that we can’t seem to get enough of, we seem to stop ourselves from it because we are afraid. whether we realize it or not. afraid to open up, to be known by someone else, maybe even to be known by ourselves. we’d rather sip our coffee and let it try to fill up the feeling that the negative conversation being had is causing. too often we are missing what the real point in daily life is. we miss that we should not (and do not) thrive on negative thoughts about anyone, even ourselves. i have found that putting an abrupt end to this habit clears up how you not only see other people, but how you see the world around you and how you may see yourself. there is no need to be scared, for the world is marvelous. don’t put a mask on your conversations. step into that coffee shop, order your large caramel latte with hazelnut and choose.
what conversation do you REALLY want to have?
sincerely, mar